CAT V DOG.... or.... PUSS V WUSS

I thought I'd seen it all until the first time I visited my friend Petronella and her NINE, yes you read right, NINE, cats. Not that there is anything wrong with my friend Petronella and her NINE cats - if she wants to be the cat lady whose house gets avoided like the plague on Halloween, far be it from me to interfere. However, the set up is not complete... are you ready...? She said, "Bring the dog, the cats are used to my dad's dog, she'll be fine!" Famous last words.

This is Winnie, she's a Corkie, which is a cocker spaniel, yorkshire terrier cross, and yes most of you have seen her on facebook, and she is usually hairier. Petra says she looks like Hairy McClairy, lol, and she's right!

Winnie is almost two and she is, without a doubt, the sweetest-natured dog I've ever had. All she wants is to play and be loved. She likes everybody and everything - especially a nice hairy pigs ear, but we won't discuss that because it makes me go all eww - from my son, whom she adores, to the postman, the neighbours, the neighbours' dog, cat, guinea pig, children - bloody everybody! She even likes my ex-husband who doesn't do dogs, but is slowly warming to her.

Unfortunately, with most over exuberant puppies - she is also a bit of an idiot and doesn't really get the whole, no means no, thing. I was once told that cocker spaniel's brains kick in around eighteen months. I'm still waiting.

To say that she found the cats interesting when she arrived is an understatement. You could see her little mind working over time. Woo hoo! Someone to play with. Someone to run and chase and frolic through fields of gold with - I'm going to like it here! However, within about ten minutes, all cats bar two decided to peg it and visit the neighbouring homes that offer them sustenance, until the mangy mutt had gone. Like I said... all bar two.

This is Casey (or Rug as she is more popularly known because that's exactly what she looks like). Rug just wants to cuddle. She's really old, no one is exactly sure how old, because most of Petra's cats are rescue cats - and all she wants to do is sleep, occasionally turn around, and be petted like the gentile old lady that she is. The only thing is, she doesn't want to be cuddled by Winnie.

She does, however, like eating Winnie's dinner. So you can imagine the hilarity that ensued when Winnie stood four feet away from her own food barking and whining and running into the living room where I was and back again, because a large ball of fur was pinching her food. Don't worry, she eventually got some, it was just the utter condescension on Rug's face as she stopped eating long enough to laugh in Winnie's face before continuing to eat. And the total confusion on Winnie's as she wondered what the bloody hell she was supposed to do!

I thought THAT was funny - but wait - my story is not over....

This is Charlie. He has three legs and the certain surety that he is in fact, ruler of all things and we must all bow to his every need - which included the dog.

Winnie, oddly enough, did not get the memo.

Charlie doesn't play, he sits. He doesn't run, he sits. He doesn't cuddle, he sits. He sure as hell does not want to listen to a lower being woofing in his face, wagging its ridiculous tail and promising him it'll be fun - honest! He also sleeps on the bed, from where he stares at small dogs in doorways and suggests politely that if they want to sleep on the bed too, they may be having the proverbial laugh. He also quite likes Pedigree Chum as it turns out - although this time Winnie thought she'd be all brave and stand up for herself - for about 2.3 seconds. What happened in those 2.3 seconds was a polite, "Would you mind, old chap? That's mine." Which was followed by a, "Piss off," and a slap to the nostrils. Leaving poor Win with no other choice but to retreat to a safe distance and hope to God he left her some!

And this is what it looked like last night. Charlie had decided to settled on the sofa beside me. Winnie desperately wanted to get on the end of said sofa. This is how she spent almost an hour, until she was brave enough to chance her arm. You could tell that Charlie was inwardly laughing, I swear he even had a huge grin on his face while she was doing the dance of the coward, and she'd obviously entertained him so much he thought he'd cut her a break and they sat together, side by side for the rest of the evening. I laughed so hard my ribs are still hurting!

I know I should be more pleasant to my poor pooch, and defend her honour or some shit like that - but I'm telling you, if you'd seen the display, you'd have sat back and laughed your arse off, too!

Cats: 3  Dog: 0