Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Evil Genius... or Little Shit?

There was a little girl 
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good 
She was very very good
But when she was bad... she was horrid!

Ah yes, the age old nursery rhyme and, as mothers of little girls, how many of us can hold up our hands and say... OH HELL YEAH... 'cause after yesterday, I am waving every appendage I possess and borrowing the dog's, too! 

The incident which I will regale you with in this post, left me wondering whether I should punish my little Angel, or give her points for creativity. It was one of those times when you are so angry but at the same time, you feel a flash of envy... because I'd never have thought of it. Here we go...

I have two lovely children (most of the time) and my daughter is, as most of you know, teeny tiny, squeaky little girl voiced, blonde haired, blue-eyed, pretty little dolly (as my friend Sharon likes to call her). But see that's because Sharon, like so many of you have been sucked in by the butter wouldn't melt smile, the fluttering eyelashes and the perfected expression of, "Me? Good lord no. I've never even contemplated not doing as I'm told, or trying to lie my way out of a situation."

Whereas I - wait, I think Elvis expressed it more eloquently than I can...

"You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise... you're the Devil in disguise, oh yes you are."

Let me clarify - both my children are off school with conjunctivitis so I had to purchase some antibiotic drops from the chemist/pharmacy yesterday. Alex, who is in fact the bigger girl of the two even though he has a penis, took his drops surprisingly well. Gracie, however, decided she didn't have conjunctivitis, because she has obviously developed self-diagnosis powers over night and knows these things - so wasn't having her drops in. 

I decided, rather than upset her, I would keep trying throughout the day so I asked Alex to put her drops in the fridge with his. An hour later he went to retrieve them and they were gone. Now, I don't know about yours, but what my children fail to understand is that there is only one person in this world who can tell when they're lying - before they even open their mouths - and that's ME! Gracie obviously thought I was going to believe that she had not taken her drops out of the fridge and hidden them.

I calmly advised her that she was not in trouble, but those drops had cost me money. That they needed to remain in the fridge because they were antibiotics and if she put them back, we wouldn't mention the subject again. She, of course, let out the plaintive, tearless and far too calm wail of, "But I didn't do anything with them."

Time ticked along and the drops did not reappear and Alex had to have his next dose. I told him to get his drops from the fridge. He came back to tell me his were now missing, too. So... quite understandably, I lost my shit. I told her she had fifteen minutes to put the drops back or I was going to tell the gymnastics club we had been waiting months for her to get a place in, that the spot she was going to start in this evening could be given to someone else. Her response was the same plaintive wail, followed by an, "I don't care!"

At 4.00pm, I cancelled gymnastics. Then I impressed upon her that if she didn't tell me what she'd done with her brother's medication, she might find it difficult to sit down for roughly a month. 

Finally my Angel told me that she... are you ready for this... thought she saw some eye drops behind the dryer in the kitchen! After they were retrieved, both bottles, she was rubbing her bottom for a while and was then sat on to have the drops put in her eyes.

All the while I was thinking you little cow... why didn't I think of that when my dad tried to give me that shitty cough mixture when I was a kid!

So next time I post a picture of my Angel, just remember these words... SHEER EVIL!


  1. My little angel is now 16 and her lying skills have not improved! Fortunately my second child was a boy cos if I thought I would ever have to raise another girl I would just head for the nearest cliff!!
    Good Luck with the drops!

    1. Thanks!

      I tell ya, if she'd come first she'd have been an only child!

  2. Oh, she makes me smile!!! My little dolly!!