Friday, 9 March 2012


This is a real treat for me and you guys.  Today I have my Tom Webb, my Sugarbear, on the chaise with me and eyeing the cheesecake... yeah I broke out the cheesecake for this man!  He enthralls us with his honest and open reviews and warms our hearts with his kindness, sensitivity and huge all encompassing ability for love :)  Take it away gawgeous!

A Bear on Books on…

Dating a Younger Man, and a new book I want you to consider

Okay, so all you guys know my story by now.  I’m 50, gay and live in Atlanta.  But what you may not know is, I’ve started dating a younger man.  Now before you get all catty and say, Well, Tom, most men are younger than you – bitches – he really is.

He’s 27.  That’s 23 years younger than me. 

We went to a concert on Saturday evening, and saw Boyce Avenue.  Hot group, by the way, and I’d bring the lead singer home for some breakfast any day.  But I digress…the concert.

 I noticed all the young guys there and felt a little pervy till I saw some were couples.  With older guys.  Some were REAL Dads there with their sons.  And Kevin and I didn’t get a second glance.  Did I happen to mention Kevin is black also?

I thought, How cool.  How far things have come in Atlanta, that I can go out and have a nice dinner with my boyfriend, my black younger boyfriend, and nobody looked twice.

Kevin is a concert violinist, remarkably mature, works part time at Barnes & Noble, and thinks I am “cute and undeniably hawt”.  His mamma raised him right, I can tell.  And he thinks it’s cool as hell that I blog about gay themed books and have a harem of “wives”. 

He may be a keeper – updates will follow…

Now, a great read I would love for more folks to check out.

I received an email from Philip Luing.  He lost his partner to AIDS in 1994 after 12 years as partners.  During their life together, he wrote Jeff, his lover, a letter or note every anniversary, Valentine’s Day, birthday, and Christmas to celebrate their love.  They both tested positive for HIV in 1985, and in the last two years of Jeff’s life, especially, there is a poignancy to the letters that amazed me.

But what was fascinating and drew me in was the emotional honesty in the letters.  The first couple of years were filled with love and rainbows, but as the honeymoon settled, the letters gained texture and resonance.  This was about two men’s lives together, and the lessons we learn as we live together through hard times and good times.

Here’s an excerpt from my review:

In February of 1982, Philip Luing and Jeffrey Lalonde meet when they are assigned to the same study group at their church.  After rehearsal for a play, they went to a local deli for bagels and coffee on April 15th and begin their 12 year love affair.

Phil is the more artistic, creative and emotional of the two; Jeff is more pragmatic.  Over the course of their lives together, Phil writes Jeff letters of love, feelings and celebration.  He marks not only their milestones - birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, anniversaries - but also those times in their lives that are mundane.  Just because.

In June of 1985, both men tested positive for HIV.

And on March 9, 1994, in the early hours of the morning, Jeff slipped from this life with his love standing watch.

Phil took the letters and notes and scribblings that he had given Jeff over the years and collected them into this small tome, "From Particles and Disputations: Writings for Jeff.  A Book of Hours."

Consider grabbing this off of Amazon – it’s a great read for $2.99. 

And as always, please check out my blog, A Bear on Books.  I am a little bhind in posting some new reviews, but I will have them up this weekend.

Tom. Out.

I am the Director of Finance for a nonprofit agency in Atlanta, Georgia. We provide housing assistance for people living with HIV/AIDS, which is a cause very close to my heart. I am 50, single, have four dogs who are my kids, and read just about anything I can get my hands on. I love my family and friends, and as with most things, a little of each goes a long way.

We love you too Tom and Writings for Jeff has just loaded to my Kindle :)


  1. Is it sad that I get all excited over these updates about Kevin?

    So wonderful, Tom, that you can go out with him and not worry. A ways to go - yep, we've got that, but you're right in saying how far we've come. :)

  2. Beautiful post and I love your posts on Kevin. GO TOMBEAR!!

  3. Sounds like a wonderful book, Tom. I will have to add it to my TBR pile. Because of your wonderful reviews that pile is getting bigger and bigger.

    So, hmmm, if a woman dating a younger man is called a cougar, what is a man called who's dating a younger man? Lucky? :D Go tiger!

    Kevin sounds wonderful. And HE'S very lucky to be dating you.


  4. are correct. Kevin was raised are cute and undeniably HAWT! LOL Love the blog and as always your opinion on books!