I am an M/M writer... hopefully those of you who have read my blog before are aware of that. And, yes, I am a woman... not a man. And I am a straight woman. Therefore, I cannot profess to claim that I know the inner workings of every single gay man's mind.
As far as I am concerned, I write erotic romance where the two main characters happen to be men. Simple as. Normal, everyday men. They're not all superstars, actors, millionaires... they're ordinary run of the mill guys, fathers, lawyers, accountants.
But what kind of irritates me is some men's approach to women writing M/M. I have gay friends and I know they wouldn't mind me saying they can be sluts... just as every straight man and every straight woman can be. But I also know that sometimes, when you meet a nice guy, it's not just about the sex. You actually want to get to know him, spend time with him... god forbid actually date him and fall in love with him.
I know as a single woman with a broken marriage and several non-starting relationships behind her, I don't think every person you sleep with is treated with the same reverence and basically sometimes all you need is a fuck buddy, not a partner. But I refuse to believe that all gay men do is fuck... I'm still of the firm opinion that 95% of them make love and want a lasting commitment.
And that's the kind of story I want to write. Doesn't necessarily mean I've turned one of my characters into a chick with a dick. Just means that I think if a man can make love to his wife.... then a gay man can do the same with his husband.
Thoughts?
Thanks Lee. It just gets on my nerves that we are supposed to believe that we over romanticise gay romance because all gay men do is move from one meaningless fuck to another.
ReplyDeleteI'd hope that wasn't true. I don't see why a man is able to call his wife darling, and treat her with sensitivity - but if he's a gay man he's supposed to just fuck everything that moves. And even if does... I don't believe he's not capable of being sappy with the right guy.
I think that expression is insulting both ways to gay men and to readers I love a good love story. I don't care if it's mushy, they laughs, cry, date etc. It doesn't matter to me because I love it all. That's one of the reason I read m/m because I just love seeing two guys fall in love. I'm so random and different because I've seen certain people talk about what they don't like in m/m and I'm usually like but I like that, lol So believe me you might have something someone doesn't like but there are other people who love it. Plus it's fricken fiction that's why I read it because guess what? Real life can be a b*tch. Like Lee said keep writing your way because I enjoy your work;-)
ReplyDeleteI can't stand that we generalize so much. Romance is romance, is it not? I mean, romance regardless of gender is about two people meeting, feeling that spark, wanting to get to know each other, falling in love, of course having sex and entering into a relationship.
ReplyDeletesometimes my men fuck . . . and sometimes they make love - depends on where and with whom ;) I've had gay men want MORE love and tenderness, not less. Write it the way it feels right to you and don't worry about the naysayers, there will always be some of those no matter what you write.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely - thanks guys. I find that term extremely demeaning. I write about two men who meet, find a connection and fall in love. If some people think that's not true to life... I would suggest they haven't found the right guy yet.
ReplyDeleteI love when there is romance and love and tenderness in the m/m stories I read. Romance is romance, whether it is m/m, m/f, f/f, etc. Keep up what you're doing Lisa!
ReplyDeletexo
I think it depends on the person. Some women are looking only for sex and some men are looking for a relationship and vice versa. Gender stereotypes are a pet peeve of mine. I prefer to look at people (and characters) as individuals. Saying you need to write all male characters one way or all female characters one way excludes people who don't fit into specific categories. Anyone who says men can't be romantic or tender with each other should watch the movie Role/Play. It's one of the most romantic movies ever with two awesome male leads.
ReplyDeleteOkay - this is a little off your subject but in a round-about my type of way it isn't. lol I was recently asked why I thought I could write gay men's emotions since I too am a straight female...my answer was simple, I write how MY characters feel in MY books. I have no misguided notion that I know all gay men's feelings...heck I don't even know all straight middle aged women's feelings.
ReplyDeleteI mean - as far as I'm aware Stephen King wasn't a shy teenage girl with the gift of telekinesis...but he pulled it off quite well. *giggles*
I couldn't find anyone on the net who had that argument but I'd be interested in hearing what their position is. I have heard some guys says things like, "women can't understand that our relationships are based on sex first then maybe romance later".
ReplyDeleteI think I know where this is coming from and seriously, don't let it bother you. Men have been writing about women...Women in love...women having sex...women having sex with other women...and so forth for centuries. How can a man truly relate to a woman's experience? Well, obviously, a lot of male authors have been faking it really well for a really long time.
ReplyDeleteRomance is one of the few genres where women authors actually stand their own ground, regardless of the flavors of the participants or the level of eroticism of the story. One of the hallmarks of a good writer is their ability to step into the shoes of others...regardless of who they are... and tell their story.
I had to laugh at a comment from a Goodreads reader who addressed me as Ms. Bowie and said my characters were chicks with dicks - I don't of course respond to readers criticisms but I want tempted to point out to her that I'm a guy and most of my characters are based on guys I know - apart from the vampires - and even then... But hey, it's all about love and romance in the end, and I think we all, male and female authors alike do a sterling job of that! Cheers! And keep writing, everyone!
ReplyDeleteLove the pics by the way!
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be the latest insult going around the Internet, like the flu but worse.
ReplyDeleteM/M, M/W, W/W - I wonder if it really matters. I have family and friends of all sexual preference. There are plenty of people out there who are just after sex- this is incidental of their preference in my opinion. Both Men and Women are guilty of flinging from partner to partner, regardless of their partner preference. Also both are capable of having the sex come first and the relationship after. Most of the people I know are out for love, to meet that special person (again incident to their partner preference.) I think that a viewpoint that all gay men do is fuck is just to narrow minded and immature- I have so many friends that would be terribly insulted by that viewpoint. I agree with your thoughts Lisa, that 95% of gay men want make love to their partners and have long lasting commitments.
ReplyDeleteBTW- I am straight, married, and strangely a little intrigued from the pics on the side bar :-P
Nick Nicholas