Sunday Free Read: It Wasn't S'posed to Be This Way

The headboard feels cool against my back
I've been sitting here so long, I've completely lost track
I can hear him ranting to himself downstairs
I need to be ready, not caught unawares

I don't want to re-live it, but it won't let me be
When it's this bad, how I long to be free
The taste of blood in my mouth, too familiar these days
What did I do this time? For what crime must I pay?

Why do I stay? I know what you're thinking
Why don't I simply abandon this ship that is sinking?
Love? No, not love, that is long gone
So why am I here?  Why don't I just run?

It wasn't always this way, that's the God's honest truth
But then the suspicions began and the jealousy took root
He was gentle and kind, and there was only love... before
And I loved him, too, would have loved him forever... until my skin tore

The first time he did it, he cried and he begged
"Forgive me, baby, I'm so sorry," that's what he said
Then it happened again, and again, and again
It was no longer "if", it just became "when"

My heart's beating faster, I can hear his foot on the stair
When I look into his eyes, will I see sorrow there?
So you ask me again... "Why have you never just ran?"
Because no one can know my own private shame
Why I excuse the bruises again and again
Pride keeps me here.  Why?  Because I'm a man