Monday, 18 July 2011

Should I Have Left?

This is a bit controversial, I know, but I have wondered on occasion during these last eleven months, should I have been the one to leave?

But could I leave?  Am I the sort of person who could walk away from her children?  Not that I'm saying I would have walked and never looked back - just swapped positions with Sean.  Then he could be the one who is stuck doing the same old thing day in, day out.  He could deal with the bickering and fighting and snotty noses and scraped knees, teachers and tea dates and homework and wrestle the remote control out of a seven year old's hand.  So he would be the one who couldn't even go to the shops without planning it like a military operation and arguing because one wants to go to Morrisons because they do the chocolate spread she likes and the other wants to go to Tesco because they do the strawberry bon bons he likes.

This weekend coming is a case in point.  I'm booked on a writer's convention, my first.  I've contributed to both anthologies and this is a fabulous opportunity to put faces to names and pimp myself out like Huggy Bear.  Unfortunately, he has arbitrarily decided he won't have them as he had planned to because I forgot to put a couple of things in their bags last time and sent them with a blow up airbed with a hole in it (which oddly enough I wasn't aware of because it's been in the airing cupboard since last summer).

So it is at times like this, even though I know I never would because they're my children, it does cross my mind how wonderful it would be to pee alone, go to the shops alone, sit on the sofa alone, drive the car alone, basically breathe alone - just like he does.

It's just a shame that I can't as quickly or easily forget that I'm a parent - unlike some people.


  1. Sometimes in a divorce or break-up, some men forget what it means to be a father- one day those kiddies will figure it all out- Mine did- good luck
    Dawne P

  2. That sucks. Men who are selfish are selfish and don't change until they have a huge revelation. Looks like he hasn't had that revelation.

  3. He might not be the one to put up with the inconveniences, Lisa, but he's also not the ones the kids will turn to, share their love with. He'll miss all the little moments that comprise their lives, and watching them grow on a daily basis. He's given up much more than he'll ever know, and it's all yours.

    Hang in there, honey, it's tough, yeah, but it's so worth it, even if it doesn't always seem that way.

  4. Oh I hear ya on this one! HUGS hang in there. there are those of us in the same boat at times.

  5. I'm not divorced but I still raised 3 1/2 all on my own. My husband was completely divorced from our marriage almost before it began. I struggled through all of it alone and the kids missed out on the companionship of a father. Would I have packed it in and run? Never. It never once crossed my mind. I loved them too much and you do too Lisa. I hear you talk about them with glowing comments all the time. In the end, when they are strong and successful adults, you will be the one who deserves the credit, not the bum who moved on with his life and performed punishing little episodes like this one just because he could. The kids will see this and remember. They watch you sacrifice and watch him be selfish and stupid. Take heart. It will all work out in the end sweetie.

  6. Someday, darlin', he'll realize he's missed out on their growing up and when he tries to wriggle back into their lives, it will be too late. Kids know, they're very aware, even if they don't tell you.

    The flip side is someday they'll be older and they'll still love you and confide in you and be able to return the favor.

  7. Aww I'm so sorry you're going through this right now hon but like everyone says he's the one who is actually missing out. He'll never be able to get this time back with his children. You'll be missed on Saturday though. :( Would have been lovely to meet you. Next time :)